After waiting for so many years, Alan Moore’s “Watchmen” was finally made into a feature film. You remember, right? Came out last February? It was a really big deal for about a week and a half? Sigh. This is the problem. We were finally granted a “Watchmen” film, but the world doesn’t feel any different. I went opening weekend. I enjoyed it, for the most part. But I didn’t go a second or third or fourth time, and I didn’t tell my friends that they absolutely had to see it. It’s modest box office numbers would suggest that nobody did. For now, the movie simply exists. It was made, it wasn’t bad, but nothing is changed. I would love to write up more of my detailed thoughts on the film, but the trouble is, I really don’t remember enough about what I thought. I remember thinking the opening credits were inspired, and I was genuinely thrilled by seeing Doctor Manhattan and Rorschach brought to life on screen. But I also remember some really oddly directed sequences, such as the prison break. I remember often thinking “Really? That was Malin Ackerman’s best take for that line reading?” Now that the film is on DVD, I plan to revisit it at some point, in order to refresh my memory, and hopefully have the film grow on me.
In the meantime, I thought I would celebrate this DVD release day by posting a video that I did, (with Jesse Hicks, Alessandro Minoli, and Will Weinand), to celebrate the release of the, then, highly anticipated film. We all went to the midnight showing at the AMC Lincoln Square Theatre in New York. Our goal was to ask some humorous questions of some die hard fanatics. Things didn’t go quite as well as I had hoped. First of all, I had written some silly exchanges under the pretense that there would be many people dressed up in the costume of their favorite characters. At New York Comic-Con, I must have seen twenty Rorschachs, but I didn’t see one at the screening. This put a damper on, what I thought was quite a funny routine I planned to do.
My Lost Rorschach Scene
Johnny: In the film, fan-favorite Rorschach is played by 70’s teen movie star Jackie Earl Haley. This is certain to become an iconic role for him, and he gets most of the best lines.
Rorschach: (In the deep, gruff, gravelly voice) “The world will look up and shout ‘Save us!’ …And I’ll whisper ‘No.’”
Johnny: Exactly. But Jackie Earl Haley is remembered for so many other great roles. I was curious to see if Rorschach would seem just as terrifying and threatening when saying lines from some of Mr. Haley’s other classic films. If you, please… (Cue Rorschach, scary close up.)
Rorschach: (Still using scary, gruff voice) “I’m sorry… but I’m afraid I have some Bad News… Bears.” (After the line, put up a still of Jackie Earl Haley in “The Bad News Bears.” Include a title card and a “ding” sound effect. Trust me, “dings” make just about everything funnier.)
Johnny: Oooooo. I have chills. I would not want to play against you in little league. Can we have another?
Rorschach: “I should break your arm for that… but I think I’d rather be… Breaking Away.” (Still from “Breaking Away.” Title card. Ding.)
Johnny: Ah yes. One of my personal favorites. And finally…
Rorschach: “Could you tell me where I might be able to find some… Little Children?” (Still from “Little Children.” Title card. Ding, or perhaps, since this one is a little inappropriate, a buzzer.)
Johnny: (Noticeably uncomfortable) Uh… yeah. That was kind of creepy. Borderline inappropriate. I think we’re done here. Thanks for your time. (End Scene)
See? Comedy gold. Sadly, we only found one costumed individual, and for the most part, not many people were terribly enthusiastic about the film. Still, it was a fun night and I made some lasting friendships. I hope you enjoy my IFC Watchmen video, more than America enjoyed the actual movie. Until next time, friends.
-Johnny Pomatto
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